I think it all sounds very nice. As long as your FH is okay with it, go for it. My FMIL got remarried in her 40s as well and she didn't wear a big traditional gown, she wore a nice floor length white dress. As far the trifle in the martini glasses, sounds yummy. I also went to a wedding where they had strawberry shortcake in wine glasses instead of wedding cake. I think as long as you keep some of the traditional things in your wedding, you and your FH will both be happy. Best of luck, and welcome!