I have serious issues with my future mil and not sure how to handle this without hurting her feelings. Well anyways she absolutely drives me insane about every aspect of this wedding (kinda makes me wish I had eloped!) She trys so hard to do everything and be involved in everything even when she is told that it is not her place and her help is not desired or needed. She trys to be nice but the way she goes about it is not so nice. I have gotten to know her very well over the past 4 years and she is very manipulative and often gets an attitude and throws temper tantrums when she is told that she has overstepped her boundaries. My husband to be is an only child so I can understand her want to be involved but some of the things she does are just ridiculous! She is one of those mothers that can't let go of her son and constantly baby's him which makes me sick, and he just doesnt see it. A few examples of her irritating behavior that drives me crazy are when she took it upon herself to buy my bridesmaid gifts (which I am supposed to give to them at the rehearsal dinner) and didnt even ask me about it before hand! Who does that!? I mean I dont know why she would think that is her job or even appropriate! Also she asked me if she could throw me a shower- (which i was like ok- nice gesture- sure) and when she asked me when I wanted to have it I told her a particular month that was good for me becasue I am having another shower thrown by my sister. She mentioned a couple ideas to me one being a halloween costme party bridal shower which I told her that I didnt like. ANYWAYS I just found out that she is planning a HALLOWEEN themed bridal shower for me the weekend before the shower that my sister is hosting for me! She indicated to me that everyone is to dress up and that she would be making hats for everyone! WTF?!?! Having a halloween themed bridal shower is not my idea of a nice bridal shower nor something I would throw for anyone. When I think of throwing someone a shower I would plan to do something that suites the person. She is doing this because that is what SHE would want. I just can't believe she would plan this after I told her i did not like the idea! It kinda makes me wonder if she is doing this just to make me mad! I can even begin to explain how crazy this woman is and how much she irritates me!!!
Now I have no choice but to go and grin and bear it. I really don't want to sound like too much of a bridezilla here but shouldn't I WANT to go to my own bridal shower!?!
She also constantly calls me about the items I have on my bridal registry and offers to take me shoping to look for something simular to the items I have becasue she thinks she can find a better deal somewhere else! Its not even like I went out and picked outrageously priced stuff its normal stuff from target etc! She mostly shops at thrift stores so I guess that is why she trys to do that but its such a headache dealing with her!
AHhh! How do you deal with someone like this!?

Thats a tough one. I suppose you should try talking to her about it. The other option would be to grin and bear it, because the shower your sister is throwing you may be more traditional. And as far as re-shopping I would tell her that you have too much going on to go and re shop for all of this stuff, but you appreciate her help.

The package deal that is getting married. You're not just marrying the man...you're marrying his family.

First...relax. The wedding will come. It will be beautiful and amazing (with a few hiccups...all weddings have them). You will marry this spectacular man and start your life together. Your mother in law won't be stopping that.

Second...she'll be your mother in law for the rest of your life. Be wary of burning any bridges early or starting off on the wrong foot.

Thirdly...You can't please everyone. Somebody is going to fell hurt or ignored every time. People want their way all the time. Be firm with your 'must haves'. Not mean. Firm. Try to validate her as much as possible before steering things down the road you want to go. Things like "That is a really good suggestion...Thanks for all your help planning this...I couldn't have done this without you". Don't lie...do it for things that she truly does do a good job on. If push comes to shove, politely thank her for her input and inform her of the decision you've made. If you can get your fiancee to either play the neutral 'Switzerland' or to validate you (dangerous territory with an only child) it should make things easier. She will be much more likely to listen to him than to you. Have a heart to heart with him saying that you want his backing on the decisions you make that are must haves you've both agreed on. You are the number 1 lady in his life now.

Lastly...I think I've covered it all above. I would use grin and bear it as a last resort. Life is too short to stress over bridal showers. Remember...If you got lemons?...Might as well make lemonade. Good luck.

__________________

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.
~Author Unknown

Oh good lord, this woman sounds psycho. My mom is pretty obsessed with my wedding (not even close to that extreme though) and I've found I just have to compromise. I separate things in my head to decide what really matters and what doesn't. If something is SUPER important to you, then fight for it. But only fight for what's important. My mom insisted on inviting the entire world to the wedding. I compromised with her to have 300 guests instead of 450, and we split up the guest list to give her a pretty high percentage. She invited most of the people she wanted so it worked out and we're all happy.

In your situation, I would go ahead and deal with the halloween bridal shower. You never know, it could be fun! You could even make it come back and bite her but wearing a really embarrassing costume that would make her wish she didn't do a halloween theme. But then again, that might spark some unwanted drama. It really can't be that bad, and it's just a shower. You're having another one the next weekend! At least she's not throwing your ONLY shower.

But with the bridesmaid gifts, that's a little crazy. My FMIL pitched me some ideas about bridesmaid gifts but she would never buy something unless I wanted it! You might want to talk to her about that... just say something like, "Thanks for pitching in and buying gifts for my bridesmaids. But do you think the next time you buy something you could discuss it with me first?"

The most important part is to remember that your wedding is going to be beautiful... and the 2nd most important it to try to keep the peace. You're joining her family, so you want to be able to get along with her.

Good luck!

Having a heart to heart with my husband to be about her is just a lost cause time and time again. He knows exactly how she is and can be at times and he simply tells me to deal with it cuz shes his mother and she will never change her ways. Im starting to believe him about her never changing her ways though cuz she will not listen to anything that anyone says and pretty much doesnt care! I dont know how her own husband can deal with her! He usually doesn't say much & shakes his head a lot and just walks away when hes around her! So I am going to try to deal with her craziness for now but after this wedding is over she is going to consider me MIA! I can't even begin to think about what it would be like once we are ready to have children! Oh lord i have a feeling it would be 10x's worse than the wedding. She just finished doing the upstairs of the house that her husband had built for them and when giving me the grand tour indicated to me that the 3 bedrooms upstairs are for the grandchildren! I was like excuses me!? Dont hold your breath lady! She also keeps telling me and other people that she is praying that i have twins so that she can be my nanny for them! That would never happen in a million years!
I feel like my husband to be and I should just move across the US so we only have to put up with her once or twice a year! That would be IDEAL! The only downside to that is that I wont be able to see my own family as much and both my husband to be and I really enjoy spending time with them.

As for the shower ill probably just suck it up and go but I am seriously going to be praying to come down with a case of the flu the week before!

Take a deep breath. I have to tell you, I feel you, I really do. I have experienced similar things with my MIL. This is going to be hard and possibly stressful, but you need to nip-this-behavior in the bud right now. Not to stress you out, but the more she is permitted to put her foot in, the more she will, and the longer you wait to solve the problem, the more her feelings will be hurt when you finally explode.

First of all, if she is hosting a party for you, you don't have any say in it. My MIL and SIL had a shower for me and I had to just let it go in their hands. Even if you hate it, you are not the host and you either have to go and smile and say thank you or not show up. I actually had a lot of fun at their shower.

Secondly, I have known my MIL for over 4 years as well. We go shopping, talk about issues, and share a lot of common interests. Despite this fact, I have learned that I should not be the one to confront her with issues. Whenever I have, she has gotten very upset. She is much more receptive when my husband, her son, speaks with her about things that bother me, him, or both of us. Vice-versa, my mother listens much better when I talk with her rather than my husband trying to do it on his own.

As for the wedding planning stuff. Why does she even have to know when you go do things that traditionally should not involve her? Like wedding dress shopping. My MIL wanted to get involved too, but really when my mom and I went, no one knew but my mom and I and my MIL didn't have a problem with it in the end.

Don't let things like this bother you. Breathe, talk with your fiance, then take action. You'll do great! I'll be rooting for ya!