Hello! I'm new here, I was hoping for some advice. My mother has done everything in her power to make this wedding about her instead of my fiance and me. She recently bought a historic home that she is renovating; the reception will be there. She has invited 100+ people that I've never met, telling them that it isn't a formal event and don't worry about gifts. It IS an extremely formal event, and she invited them for the sole purpose of showing off the house. She even wanted napkins for the wedding to be printed with the name of the house. Every request that my fiance and I have made has been either ignored or criticized incessantly. Everything my fiance and I have planned and done (favors, invitations, dj, chapel, attendant gifts, attire, musicians, etc), she has taken credit for while telling us and everyone else that we haven't done anything. After telling everyone that it wasn't formal (even though it is in the evening, there are full tuxes, a banquet, a carriage, and everything else to make it exceedingly formal), she is wearing a ball gown to shine the spotlight on her. She went behind our back to ensure the lighting of a unity candle (which we don't want) so she can have an important role during the ceremony. She canceled all of our food orders so she could have the backyard barbecue type of food that she wants. She and the majority of my family (on her request) have decided not to attend the rehearsal dinner, the only thing she hasn't been able to control completely, in a direct slap to my fiance's family. She called my stylist to ask her to style my hair up, after witnessing my relatives compliment me on how good it looked down. Now, she has informed the carriage company and all the planners that she will be riding to the ceremony in the carriage with me and my father - so the entire town can see her in the carriage. I'm completely at a loss - what can I do? This is mine and my fiance's day, right? Is there a way to handle this without starting WWIII? She get's HIGHLY offended every time I contradict her on anything.

OMG I'm so impressed at how well you're handling all this and absolutely this is 100% YOUR day with your fiance. It has zero to do with what anybody else wants and the fact that she is actually cancelling what you have planned is insane. Is she paying 100% for your wedding? If it were me, I would absolutely have a sit down with you and your fiance so you can explain clearly to her how you see your wedding and all that this day means to you. It is not a day for her to shine but step aside and give you your day. If she wants to show off her stuff, she should maybe hold the day after brunch at her house or something that will allow her that feeling without telling you what you will have on your day. To me, what you stated she is doing is so unfair. This is something you have waited for and to me, you shouldn't have to compromise the start to the rest of your life to make your mom feel successful or achieved or whatever she is looking to feel. Good luck

WOW. And I thought my mom was bad. She probably gets defensive when you tell her you don't like something (my mom is the same way), but you definitely need to talk to her about it. You could say something like, "You have a really good idea, but we think doing it a different way is more our style." You also need to pick your battles. Only fight for the things that really matter to you, and let the rest slide. I've learned it makes things a lot easier.