Mother in Laws, help

Seans_Bride08 · #1 (**permalink**) 05-13-2008, 07:44 AM

I am marrying an italian, his family loves me but they are so controlling and want to be in charge of everything, they think its their wedding. But my fiance tells them where to go when they get out of hand... but i feel like i am fighting a never ending battle with her, and everyone says an italian mother is the worst when its "her little boy". My FMIL, went out and bought her dress behind my back, an my mom still hasn't even gotten her dress. I wouldnt really even make a big deal about her getting her dress, if she werent so sneaky about things and trying to hide it, now what if coincidentally my mother gets the same color? I need advice... everything she thinks is right, is the way she wants everything, we are doing it OUR way and not hers, and i think she hates that she cant control all the plans. I need to figure out what to do or say to her just so she knows that she cannot control our lives and everything that we want to do. Any advice??

ilovebeef · #2 (**permalink**) 05-14-2008, 06:38 PM

Wow, that's a doozy. I would let her know that right now, you don't need any help planning, but when you do, you will definately let her know. I would then find some little odd 'n end jobs to have her do, that way she feels important and part of the planning, but you are still having most of the control. For example, let her pick out the guest book, it's probably not really all that important to you what the guest book looks like, and she'll feel important for getting to pick it out. Just build it up, "You know xxx I would really appreciate it if you could help me out and pick out a guest book for our wedding." It sounds a little like something you would do with a child, but it may work with her.

ajam51 · #3 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 11:17 AM

dont worry tooo much about you fmil as long as you fh is there as saying "we dont need help mom" everything will be ok...

jewish mothers are the same way... my fh's mother told him when to buy a ring and everything.... but then again my fh was being stupid for not going for the deal... so i love her... but she gets on my nerves sometimes... too...

hope that helps

Mess08 · #4 (**permalink**) 05-27-2008, 10:04 AM

My parents are divorced and my mom remarried an Italian when I was very little so I know what you mean they can be very loud and over bearing. Try to give her little projects so that she feels included like ordering or making Italian cookies to serve at the reception, or maybe ask her if there is some tradition that she would like included. Giving her little things that won’t really hurt your day will do two things 1. keep her happy and calm 2. get some things off of your plate.
good luck and remeber you will enjoy great food and a warm family forever, those Itlains really know how to make a holiday insane and fun day

LAmomandbride · #5 (**permalink**) 06-03-2008, 09:01 PM

I may be a bit more "agressive" than most people, but I let my MIL or anyone who tries to take control that they need to back off!

It is a nice gesture to give advice and make suggestions but at the end of the day it is YOUR wedding and you and your HTB are the only ones whose opinions matter.

gurlfromjersey · #6 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 06:36 PM

dang! i dont know what to say but im lucky my mother in law i nothing like that.

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