Hi all!

What's the etiquette on inviting people to the bridal shower, but not the wedding?

If you invite someone to the bridal shower, you need to invite them to the wedding too, I dont think there is any way around it.

I think the only way around this would be if they are a close friend/family member who you know is not going to be able to attend the wedding. I have a friend who will be out of town for my wedding so I made sure to include her on the bridal shower so she would have the opportunity to celebrate with me in some way.

I personally would be very insulted if I were invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding. I might think I was only invited for the gift.
If you can't invite the person to the wedding, then I would suggest not inviting them to the bridal shower.

Um ok so this happened to me first hand. I wasn't even technically invited to the bridal shower, but it was being hosted at my house. Go figure. I knew the bride from high school, but it was through a mutual friend (the one hosting the shower). I even went to Victoria's Secret and bought her a $58.00 set of lingerie. She doesn't have many friends and I even went to her bachelorette party that night! No thank-you note. Nothing. Figures. Anyway, I had wanted to go to the wedding, but I obviously didn't get invited. I understood the whole guest list limit thing, but most of your guests won't.

As brides, we understand there are limitations to the amount of people we can afford to feed. For those who have never planned a wedding, they feel neglected and hurt. So it's up to you if you want to risk it, but I think the safest bet would be to not invite her to either, or invite her to both. You could at least put her on an alternate guest list and can invite her after other people turn down your invitation.

Hope that helps!

Andrea

I agree. It isn't polite to invite someone to a shower but not to the wedding, although it is ok to invite them to the wedding but not the shower.

Inviting someone to a shower and not the wedding is like saying "come give me presents for my special day, but I don't want you to share the special day with me."

The only way I see it being ok is if you have a situation like my SIL. She planned her wedding in three months and could only invite 30-50 people. The shower I threw for her at her house invited all of the people she would have wanted to come but didn't have space for and she explained that to each one of them personally and thanked them for their friendship and gifts. It was a sort of sensitive issue as even some aunts and uncles couldn't be invited to the wedding, but they worked it out and in the end it was ok!

In every bridal magazine, article, book I have read, they all say, if they are invited to the shower they must be invited to the wedding. I know I would be very hurt if someone invited me to a shower (for a gift) and didn't invite me to their wedding. I guess in rare cicumstanced it may be acceptable, like marriedinautumn posted about, but those are rare.

My husband and I had a destination wedding. When my MOH said she wanted to give me a shower...I flatly refused. I told her I was not going to have a shower to get gifts from people who were either not invited to the wedding or not able to attend because of the travel. Sorry just my opinion, but I think it is in very poor taste.

I guess my mom is breaking the rules here. We are having the wedding at my mom's church, and one of the old ladies at the church always thows a shower for any weddings. There are going to be quite a few people invited to the shower that are not going to be at the wedding because my FH and I already have space issues, and this was explained before sweet but slightly crazy old lady began planning.

In an ideal world, all of the people that are going to be invited to the shower would be invited to the wedding, but space does not permit, and we wanted them to feel like they were a part of our lives. We are going to have a more substantial deal at the shower though so that those that aren't going to come to the wedding will be included more.

I have to say I agree with everyone.... as hard as it is when you have a guest limit.. i f they are invited to the shower, they should also be invited to the wedding...... I doint think their is any easy way around it.
Good luck