Our responces cards we due back Saturday so on Sunday night we started calling the people that did not respond to see who would be comming and who would not be able to make it. We called one of my FH's friend and asked him if his parents we planning on comming to the wedding (we invited his mom and dad, invitation said "MR. & MRS BATES). He told us that there would be 4 of them, apparently his sister and her boyfriend will be comming also (they were never invited). What do you say to them about that? I am not really worried about it b/c FH use to spend a lot of time at their house and was aroud her alot when she was little. Also we had alot of people that can not come because of it being a holiday weekend so it is not like there is not enough space for them. I thought this was very rude!

What would you do?

Wow that is a tough one. I had a similar situation at my wedding. We really did not want any children under 16. We even had it printed on inserts for the invitations. I then called some of my non-RSVPers (people I've known since I was a little kid) and asked what was up. I was told that they were not coming if they could not bring their kids! These were TWO families that had FOUR kids each (and I mean LITTLE kids)! I was really miffed that they would treat me like that. One family I allowed their kids to come because they are my husband's cousins, the other family I told them that we had agreed that there would be no children, we finalized the guest tally and paid the bill and there isn't room for additions. My reception was $145 per head, an extra four people would mean my dad would have had to write an extra check for $580 dollars just for them kids to come! I'm honest, blunt, and up-front. They know that about me. When I broke it down to them they finally got it.

The moral of my very long story is, that people do not understand weddings either because they haven't been married yet, or because their wedding was years ago. Guest lists are not suggestions anymore, they are ways of staying on budget so that you don't go freaking bankrupt over one day! Explain to them that it took great lengths between you, your husband, and both of your families at the reception hall to come to a guest list/guest tally decision and adding more people would not be respectful of the other decision-making parties involved.

Sorry, I'm totally frustrated FOR you because it happened to me over and over again. My mom broke down, over-ruled my decision, and invited the family of 6, paid for the kids, and in the end, they didn't even show up! Wow....

I agree it is really rude, but if you have extra spots then I wouldnt worry about the stress of saying anything, unless you feel you must. I suppose you have to weigh the pros and cons.