Hello All!

We have an alternate guest list for the Wedding (we have over 400 people on the list, but we would like to stay closer to 275 for the actual wedding...won't be a problem because a lot of people will not be making the trip because it is far away) So as we get "no" replies, we will send out additional invites.

The question come in when we are inviting to the Bridal Shower. Because the shower will be taking place before the wedding invites are even sent out, does that mean that no one on the "alternate" list can be invited to the shower? It makes sense...because I would not invite people to the shower that were not invited to the wedding--but I just don't want to make the wrong decision!

Thanks for helping and Happy Planning!
Anna
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Holy crap, we must be the same person! We're inviting 400 also, but have "budgeted" 300. I personally want somewhere between 250 and 275. We'll see how it goes. I'm glad you brought that question up, I'm interested too! I guess you can't really invite people unless they are invited to the wedding. BUT here's an idea... if you're able to invite the alternates to at least the ceremony and make them alternates for the reception, that might work too. Hmm...

Hmmm...that is a GREAT idea...but we are getting married in the garden of the Country Club (where the reception is to follow)...so it won't work for me.

Any other ideas?

Thanks!
Anna
Discount Favors & Supplies --PRINTED NAPKINS ONLY $12!

I think if you are inviting someone to the wedding that you must also invite them to the reception. I know that I would be offended if I was invited to the wedding but not the celibration after, I would feel as though I was only invited for the gift.

I've been to lots of weddings where some people are only invited to the ceremony. I think it mostly applies in situations where the wedding is at a church and you want to invite a lot of the church members to the ceremony but you can't afford to feed everyone at the reception. It's mostly because there are certain people from my church that want to see me get married. I wouldn't expect a gift if they just came to the ceremony.

I can see that, I just know that is what I have read in etiquette books because a lot of people feel the wedding is also about the celebration after. I think it also depends if it is a written invite or a casual invite. But I think you have to make it clear that it is just an invitation to the wedding and not the reception that way no one shows up to the reception with the expectation of being welcome and not having a place there.

9/20
After talking to some of my friends and family and also some research online I have read in almost every etiquette source it is never okay to invite someone to only the wedding, unless you are only coffee and cake at the church after (which they are invited to) and then a small dinner with only family and a few close friends.

Never, ever invite someone to the shower and not to the wedding and reception. This happened to me and several other people I know in a particular friends wedding. When the invites obviously went out and I didn't get one, I was so offended as were the other people. I know you probably feel that the B list people, if they end up getting an invite to the wedding, they should be included in the shower - but showers are really just for your closest friends and family anyway (and I'm assuming they are on your "A" list.)

Good luck and I hope this helps....

I agree with jen9159, if they are good enough friends to invite to the shower, they should be on your "A" list for your wedding anyways. Your "B" list should be the people you would like to have come, but if they can't it would be okay.

As far as inviting people to the wedding and not the reception, I had a friend who invited a lot of people to the wedding and to only the dance part of the reception, not the dinner part. They couldn't afford to feed everyone they wanted there, I don't know if it's something I'd do, but it's just a suggestion.

I don't quote the etiquette books, but my personal opinion is anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding. Anyone invited to the wedding should be invited to the reception, unless it is a small family only reception, most often in the brides parents home. The only time I feel it is appropriate to invite to the reception and not the wedding is if the wedding is very small and privite for family only.