Should I invite them?

mandy*24 · #1 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 08:03 AM

Ok so, I sat down and thought of every possible person to invite to the wedding. I devided the guest list into two sections - people to deffinatly invite and people to possibly invite. The reasons for that is 1, to keep the wedding small and 2, my fiance literally only has 15 people to invite where as my side is around 75. My dilema is whether or not to invite a specific couple. My mother said I have to invite them because I'm inviting all of the first cousins, and if I didn't the family would most likely talk. The way I've been kinda looking at it is, I'm not close to them by any means and we never do anything with them. Am I obligated to invite them?

#2 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 10:09 AM

the right thing to do?? idk, prob. should invite them. but me personally, im like you.. if im not close to them, and only see them at family reunions, why should i invite them? they have no idea about me or whats going on in my life. so im not..thats more money outta my pocket i have to spend.

mandy*24 · #3 (**permalink**) 12-27-2007, 07:10 AM

Exactly dani. Like, I feel awful saying it and even thinking it, but I'm gonna spend what....maybe $20 per person at the wedding? Possibly more because I think it's gonna be $14 per person for just the food. Then there's booze for everyone and counting a favor per person. But just say $20 ~ that'll be $40 per couple. They are the type of people to give $15 in a card for a gift, MAYBE $20. So it's like, 'ok, I'm gonna spend this much on inviting them and only get this much as a gift? ' I feel like such a terrible person for thinking that way, but when you're on such a tight budget like I am, it's hard not to think that way.

Nikita706 · #4 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 03:40 PM

I agree that if you don't want to invite them, you shouldn't. I'm currently debating a similar situation with my Mom. My Uncle remarried a few years back and his new wife has ATROCIOUS children. Our entire family can't stand them. They're the type of kids that always invite 3 or 4 friends each to our family's small Christmas celebration so it completely ruins the entire 'family atmosphere'. They disrespectful and rude. I was adamant that I wasn't going to invite them, but my Mother insists that we do because, even though my Uncle's wife knows that we don't like her, we just don't want to step on toes. Of course, they're both over 18, so it's 'proper etiquette' for them each to get their own invitations including a guest (which ends up being ~$80 extra out of my pocket). And that's assuming they don't bring multiple friends with them (I could totally see it happening).

Parent's are always tough in this situation. My Mom has about 5 people from her work that she's insisting we invite. That's 10 when you consider their husbands. We only have a $7,000 total budget, so spending and extra $200 so she can invite her co-workers (whom I rarely ever see) seems a bit overboard. I keep trying to stay within our budget, but when I consider how many people we're inviting only because my Mom insists that we invite them, we could save at least $300 on the catering alone. And then it's the classic "well, maybe you need to eliminate some of your friends off the list". So frustrating.

mandy*24 · #5 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 07:36 AM

WOW, that sucks girl lol. I got aggravated for you just reading that. I deffinatly think your situation is worse that mine. My mother and I don't really get along all that well, so if she were to say all that to me, I would deffinatly give her a piece of my mind. And even if you and your mom are close, I would still say something hun. I mean, it's YOUR wedding for crying out loud. I'm sorry but, for the fact that it's your wedding and not your mother's, I think your friends come before hers. And if she insists on inviting HER friends, then she should pay for them. Especially being on such a tight budget like that. Whew, good luck with this sweetie. Let us know what happens

Nikita706 · #6 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 10:51 AM

Yeah, sorry, I had a bit of a rant sesh. I think my Mom's got issues. One day she'll say 'you don't need to invite my co-workers. It's your wedding.' Then the next it's 'What?! My co-workers aren't invited?! They need to be on the list too!' We argue all the time about who to invite, and it always comes back around to 'well, my $3,000 is covering the catering, so my co-workers are invited'. Parent's are so frustratingm, lol.

Tara07 · #7 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 03:30 PM

This is the same issue that I am going through right now. I have 2 aunts that I do not talk to and i also have 4 cousins that I also dont speak to. My mother told me I have to invite them to be nice, even though I havent talked to those aunts or cousins in a while. It is just very frustrating because we are on a limited budget and we only can afford to invite so many people.

mandy*24 · #8 (**permalink**) 01-10-2008, 07:44 AM

Ya know what I think it is? Some where along the lines, waaaaaaaay back in the day, some b****y mother would not let her daughter have her way with her own wedding. And since that day, every mother gives her daughter grief about this, that and everything else....simply because her mother did it to her. Almost seems as if our mothers couldn't get exactly what they wanted for their wedding, so they're taking that out on our wedding. I dunno, just a theory lol

Nikita706 · #9 (**permalink**) 01-10-2008, 11:56 AM

That could VERY well be true. My Mom and Dad constantly remind me that their wedding only cost them $1,000 in 1976. My Mom rented her dress, didn't invite very many people, Her and some friends made the food for the wedding, used their church (which charged them $100) and basically used the cheapest flowers available. The problem is, though, is that she expects me to find a dress that's under $500 (NOT an easy thing to do, especially when we live in a small town with ONE small bridal shop). I've cut corners in everything I've done (cds instead of a DJ, candles instead of flower arrangements, hiring my friend (a university photography student) to do the photography, cutting down our guest list significantly, we're getting our cake for free because my bridesmaid's Mom owns a bakery, etc.). I think we've done a great job keeping our budget within reason, but she still complains as though I'm some bridezilla because I would like a wedding that will cost more than hers did. Planning a wedding is fun, but man is it frustrating sometimes.

mandy*24 · #10 (**permalink**) 01-11-2008, 06:59 AM

I know what ya mean girl. I was talking to my grandmother yesterday and telling her the place we're having the wedding is gonna cost $1,000. These days, that's not too bad apparently because that's what everyone has been telling me. My grandmother almost had a heart attack. Mind you, she still thinks you can buy an outfit for $10. I was like, "vavo (grandma is Portuguese), you can't even buy a decent bra for $10" haha I just thought it was funny. God bless her.

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