I've posted something pretty similar to this already, but no one responded, so I'm posting again cuz I really need the help lol.

We plan on having an engagement party. Aside from the rehersal dinner, this will be the only pre-wedding celebration ~ no showers or bachelor/bachelorette parties. This party will be about a year before the actual wedding. As with anyone who has a normal wedding shower, we're really hoping to make a bit of money. That's actually the main reason why we'd like to have an engagement party, because we are on a very tight budget, and every little bit will help us.

I'm unsure on how to word the invitaitons. A friend suggested that we write something along the lines of - "Since we are not having a shower, we ask you to come and join us in celebration at our engagement party". She said people would most likely get the hint to give something, because you normally give gifts for a shower. But I'm just affraid some people won't get that hint lol. So, I was thinking of maybe writing, along the bottom of the invite, something like this - "Small gifts (or donations?) of money would be very much appreciated, but are not neccesary". Is that completely inappropriate to write in an invitation? What does everyone think I should do??

I would suggest to not put anything in writing on the invitation, but to spread the request by word of mouth. Get your bridesmaids, mother, whoever to let everyone know that you are nto having a shower, and that "they" (bridesmaid, mother, etc.) think that it would be a nice gesture if a small gift or cash were brought.

Etiquette sides with restingdonkey's side. Asking for money in an invite is traditionally a big no-no. Spreading the info via word of mouth is a good alternative. Another thing to point out is that shower's aren't planned by the bride and groom. They are done by friends and family. I understand that circumstances may exist that make this not the case, but someone you know my be planning a shower without your knowledge. Especially with a year to go, you might have a change of plans (even unannounced to you ).

Good luck!

__________________

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.
~Author Unknown

We did a similar thing with our engagement party. We did black tie bowling! That way everyone dressed up, knew it was special--but could still have fun. We had a cake, too!
To make it even more "Hey, this is our big shower," we did facebook invitations and got to be as specific as possible. Have fun with it!

To answer your question...yes I think it is completely inappropriate. If you want gifts, have a friend throw you a shower.
Engagement parties are not held for gifts...they are for announcing your engagement and intentions to marry. A celebration. Not a shower.
Please don't take this as a personal attack...as I certainly do not mean it to be that. If you cannot afford the wedding you want, change your plans to either something you can afford, or take out a small loan to pay for it...however I do not necessarily condone creating a large debt for a wedding. Weddings can be beautiful without costing a fortune and reducing everyone to poverty. Don't expect monetary gifts from your guests to pay for your wedding.
I have seen your DIY posts and they are great...keep up the good work. Your wedding will be beautiful.

Mandy, is there any particular reason you are not planning on having a shower? I would either ask your friends to throw you one, as suggested before, or spread it word of mouth about gifts for your engagement party. Good luck with everything, I know you are going to have a beatiful wedding!

Well, basically I just have no idea if anyone is gonna throw one for me lol. I wouldn't come right out and ask anyone either. I just don't feel right doing it. I've asked my mom if she could call my MOH and ask if she plans on throwing one, but my mom feels kinda weird doing that because my MOH is my dad's niece....and my parents are divorced lol. I'm gonna mentioned it to her again though. I've also made it a point in bringing this up with a good friend of mine ~ telling her that I don't think anyone will throw one for me. And she told me to give her my MOH's # and she'd call and ask. But that just looks a bit too odd to my MOH. It's easier for my mother to 'sneak' and get her # than it would be for my friend. You get my drift? lol My friend kinda made it sound like she would throw one for me if my MOH didn't. It's just a matter of finding out right now.

I see. I would feel weird too to ask someone to throw one for me. I would just keep dropping hints to the MOH and see if she says anything about it. I am in a little bit of a different situation right now, my MOH is also MOH in a different friends wedding so I felt really bad asking her, but she's the one that I want to be next to me. One of my other BMs already offered to throw the shower for me, so that's nice. Hope all works out for you and you get a beautiful shower!