I never thought that I would say this, but I wish I would have taken my dads offer to pay for us to run off and get married instead of having the big wedding that we are.

FH's family are very close, just like mine are, but different than my family so I am having a hard time understanding what they are thinking , but I have always got along with them and respected their choices until this time.

Last night his dad told him that he didnt think that he would be able to make it to the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner because he would have to work. His dad has been at the same job for 20-some years and have built up 3-4 weeks of vacation a year. This year he has spent all his vacation days on fixing the car bumper or mowing the lawn, or something else like that (he only used three days on vacations) and he has no days left for his sons wedding activities. (My parents took off the whole week before the wedding)

This upset me and after i explained to my FH why it bothered me he got mad at his dad too. I think that it is rude and kind of disrespectful to most of all my fh and somewhat to me. FH's parents have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. How do you "host" a party and not be there? How good is it going to look that my grandparents and my aunt and uncle from 10 hours away are there but his dad "couldnt get off work" to be at "HIS SON'S" wedding activities?

Last night FH called his dad and told him that he would really like him to be there and his dad's answer to that was "well maybe i will just have to use my birthday but then I will have to work on my birthday i dont know if I want to do that".

Now what do I do? should I think that it si enough just for them to show up at the wedding or should I expect more?

His dad sounds kinda like a jerk. Is he not happy about this wedding or what? But you are totally right, you should be upset! The Father of the Groom is supposed to host the rehearsal dinner and even make a speech! He's obviously known about this wedding so he spent his vacation on purpose. It might be better without him there if he obviously doesn't care enough to take some time off from work for his son's wedding. Good luck, girl. This is a tough one.

This thread is a bit old but I'm still pretty new and just came across it. Do you think maybe FH's dad is affraid of getting too emotional? And maybe this is his way of dealing with it ahead of time? If this is still an issue, maybe suggest FH talks to dad - man to man and ask him if he has any problems with the marrige and that's why he's acting this way. Hope everything works out.

I have a very similar concern about FH's parents, so I can totally relate. we're going on a cruise and getting married on the beach at one of the stops on the cruise. we purposely planned it waaaay in advance (we got engaged July 07 and the cruise is Dec 08). now I never really did expect FH's parents to go on the cruise... but what really bothered me was that the moment we told them how we were doing it, FMIL's immediate response (before I could barely finish explaining!) was, "oh, I can't get off work." I was like um... it's like 16+ months away... not THIS Dec... but next (when I was telling her in like August or whatever). she was like, "yeah, but they don't let anyone take off days in Nov or Dec b/c of the holidays." (she works in retail). but like your situation, I mean she's worked there 9 yrs, it's OVER a year away (well, it was!) and she could at least try, you know? I know that FFIL could get off work, he's been at his job nearly 30 yrs and takes off whenever he feels like it. I know they could afford to go (plus there was plenty of time to plan/save money - the reason we planned it far out), and like I said I never really expected them to go... but I felt it was hurtful for her to say so quickly that she couldn't get off work, it sounded like an excuse. they don't really ask us any questions about our plans, and I can't help but think it hurts FH's feelings a bit, although he just tries to shrug it off. I feel like she could have at least said, "well, I'll try to get off" and then even LIE TO US and say that she tried and was denied... just at least have the appearance of making the effort, you know?

anyway, sorry to hijack your thread (I'm so bad about that!) but I just wanted to let you know there's someone dealing with similar feelings. I also haven't heard from them if they intend to help pay for anything... which is a whole other vent! but I do think it's completely normal for you (and especially your FH) to feel upset by him acting so nonchalant about the wedding events. like pp said, perhaps he has a deeper reason for not wanting to go... just as I thought perhaps my FIL's aren't comfortable with being on a cruise ship (weirdly enough I have a few friends like this) but still, at least ACT like you want to go and pretend you're trying to work it out. brides and grooms don't need their feelings hurt by family on top of all the other stresses of wedding planning!

Hey at least they weren't trying to rule your entire wedding and change everything behind your back. There was so much manipulation during my wedding. I wrote a book about it "Wedding Hell". You can actually download it at lulu.com if you want to read it. It's pretty funny! Good luck with everything!