My name is Ellen Braunstein and I'm a writer of courtship stories. I'm publishing a book that is a collection of my couples' stories. Also I'm including observations about ways couples meet and get engaged. I've done literally dozens of stories. I've observed four common experiences with proposals.

First, once a guy has earmarked the date, nothing will stop him even if his plan is falling apart. Second, approval from his fiancée's father is still important. Third, he's nervous as heck, and, fourth, no matter how much or when the woman expects it, popping the question completely shocks her - so much so she can't even remember saying yes.

I was wondering if any of this rings true for brides in this forum?

Hello Ellen!

I would have to say the DEFINITELY no matter how expected the proposal may be, when it actually happens--it takes your breath away!

I have been with my fiancee for over four years. We live together and run 6 businesses together. We had discussed marriage, and children...so I knew he had some intention of popping the question.

We went on a cruise in November of 2006. Everything was wonderful and we were having a great trip. We went to a late night show with another couple we had met on the cruise. It was a funny game show where the audience was involved. At some point (this is where the fuzzy part sets in), the announcer--who was also the cruise director--answered one of the "game show" questions (that dealt with proposing) and asked if anyone in the audience disagreed...all of a sudden, my fiancee jumps out of his seat and says, "I DO!" He then runs down the isle and takes over the microphone...and says something that I don't remember at all! (good thing the other couple was videoing this whole thing for us!) The cruise director whisks me down the isle and my fiancee gets down on one knee--in front of 400 STRANGERS no less--and asks me to marry him!

As you could imagine, I don't remember most of this! But I do remember being handed the microphone and I said yes!

I found out later that he had the whole thing planned with the cruise director and captain...I was completely clueless!

By the way, he did ask my father MONTHS before it happened--we are both from large Italian families, and this was important to have his approval...
and he was SOO nervous (I also found out after the fact that the couple that was with us told him to run and grab his video camera--he didn't want to wait for the elevator in fear that he would miss his cue--so he RAN the stairs. He was so nervous, he missed the floor to get off, and ended up two floors above! )

Good Luck with your book!
Anna
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Hi Anna,

Your fiance used what I jokingly call "the power of public coercion" to propose. Why did he decide to make a show of it, as it were..I think it's wonderful.

Also, what do you feel it is about the act of proposing that causes women to go blank like that?

Ellen Braunstein

I didn't remember saying yes. In fact, at first I said that I didn't...

Here are some journal entries that we both made:
Capricious Meanderings. - Happy Anniversary to Me! - Mine

an_idol_mind: Engagement - My Fiance

It was awesome.

Read the musings of LittleRedCera's fiance to see what a guy has to go through to pull one over on a gal who is very aware that he is going to propose to her (watching him like a hawk, in fact). Guys want some surprise element, and it's hard because women are in on the ring decision, some have been ratcheting up the pressure, imposing deadlines, etc...

They plan for months, keep a poker face, make up stories - all in the name of love. Planning and surprises is a guy thing, evidence of true love and care for a woman. Red cetra's fiance has it in spades!! LittleRedCera... You're very lucky!!

I hope you don't mind me sharing this from his blog, it's precious... an_idol_mind: Engagement

So after spending the last two weeks with the best poker face ever and convincing Sarah every step of the way that I was not going to take advantage of a milestone like our fifth anniversary to propose to her, I went and proposed to her. I think it's worth noting how much trouble I went through to get the situation set up, and how many times I managed to avoid being found out. I've been planning on proposing to Sarah for months now. My mother offered me my grandmother's wedding ring to use as an engagement ring, which worked perfectly. But with Sarah working weekends, we couldn't get up to St. Johnsbury to get the ring. So I had to have my mom send it to me via FedEx (never use UPS for anything important...FedEx is where it's at). This required several phone calls to properly coordinate everything, which got Sarah suspicious. I convinced her that the FedEx package was in fact information about a school loan, and that my mother was too crazy to trust the U.S. Postal Service. As my mom is pretty crazy, that bluff worked.

I had the ring in my pocket for the entire day today, and didn't propose to Sarah until just before 9pm. Since Sarah, Carrie, and I all went to the fair together and rode on the fast rides, I was also carrying everyone's cell phones in my zipper pockets to keep them from falling out. Sarah tried pulling her phone out of my pocket, which sent me jumping about five feet and re-ignited her suspicions. But I managed to crush those suspicions by switching the ring to another pocket and later deliberately letting her look through my cell phone pocket to see that there was nothing there.

I also got myself hypnotized today at the fair, which I had worried about doing since I didn't want to do anything that might give away the fact that there was a ring in my pocket while under the influence of a stage hypnotist. But I managed to snap out of the whole thing before I wound up on stage. Carrie, on the other hand, did go on stage. But that's a funny story for another time.

I don't mind you posting that at all... I love reading his acount of everything.

I have a little bit of a different story. As the day of my proposal wore on, I was growing more and more aware of the fact that my bf was going to pop the question. In all honesty, I ruined his plans and since he knew I was figuring it out, he proposed that day, as opposed to some other day. I remember everything he said and I said, and it didn't really sink in until I saw the ring. (that I knew was in his pocket). Looking back I wish I wouldn't have ruined his plans (it was unintentional) and that he could have surprised me a little bit more, but nonetheless I am very happy we are engaged now!