I've got a small dilemma with my wedding party.
As my screen name implies, this is a second marriage for both my boyfriend and I. He would really like his sister to participate in the wedding. To be honest, I don't like her. She's loud and obnoxious and always wanting all the attention. I can tolerate her enough to be around her, but I don't like her enough to want her to be one of the attendants.
We're only having two attendants each, and I'm not sure how to deal with this
Any good advice???

Explain how you feel about her to him, and hopefully he'll understand. Have her do something else in the wedding like take care of the guestbook etc. Just something to make her feel wanted, but not something that will take away attention from you. Hope this helped.

This is a tough one. Think about it this way: she'll be your sister-in-law and involved in your life permanently now. Maybe the gesture of having her in your wedding party will let her know you really care about having a good relationship with her. Give her enough attention before the wedding and on the wedding day to make her feel comfortable and appreciated, but don't go overboard so that it takes away from you. It may smooth things over with her and also let your man know that you're on his side, too!

Hi,

You know this is your wedding! You are going to be the one living your life and not your sister-in-law. I say if you do not feel comfortable or even want her to be in an important position in your wedding party, then honor yourself and your decisions.

You will not be a happy bride or wife or mother someday, if you compromise your feelings about this or anything else you feel strongly about. I would ask her out to lunch and ask her if she would like to help you for the wedding. If she says yes, Make sure you have a list of things you would not mind her helping you with. Take the list out and read it off to her. like this " You know I am desprate for someone to help me with__________" Use the word "Desprate"People with her personality want to feel really important, and want to feel that they were a great help to someone. So by using the word "desprate" it would be a clincher.

The list will help you direct her role indirectly, the lunch is a bonding attempt, and giving her options on how she can help will make her feel you do want her invovlment, but the gold is for you stay in control of your wedding plans without ruffling up too many feathers.

Hope, this helps a little. I maybe totally wrong, but that's what I would do.

On my wedding day in Hawaii however, I told my sister-in-law to shut up, because this was my wedding, not hers, and that I could have my wedding on any planet I chose! She made a comment about why my husband and I wanted to travel so far away from home to get married! she said it in a dishonoring manner to me that I was not going to take it!

I set up the bounderies from day 1 and my sister-in- law and I are good friends, because she stays out of my business and I her's.Bounderies are important to set up.Sometimes, you have to flex your muscles and nip the problem in the bud! Anyway, that's a whole different topic!

Good Luck!

I am had the same sort of dillema, except my fiance asked my brothers to be in the wedding party which made my situation even harder. My fiance's sister is loud, immature and can be very obnoxious and all I could keep thinking is she is going to be at my bachelor party, bridal shower and all of the other events anyways. She will be part of my family very soon and I just thought it was the right thing to do to involve her. I think it would be a very civil and decent gesture and maybe even a good time to become closer with your soon-to-be sister-in-law. However, don't let her ruin your day.

Asking her to be in the wedding party will show that you are the "bigger person" and that you can see past the negative aspects of her personality. Hopefully, this will help you build a stronger relationship with her as you guys now become family. Best of luck.

I have a younger cousin (she's 14) who I have been very close to. She has ADHD so it takes a lot of patience to interact with her for long periods of time. She is family and I have done it my whole life, so I'm "just used to her" I guess. I'm also a special education teacher. Anyway... My fiance, however, can only take her in small doses. When we first got engaged, my cousin asked if she was going to be a "junior bridesmaid". My fiance says "absolutely not", but I feel badly for not including her. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can include her in the wedding so that she feels like she has a special role?? I thought of the guest book, but I'm afraid she'll get bored standing there and will just walk away. I really want her to feel included, but I'm at a loss for how.
Thanks in advance for your ideas/suggestions...

Maybe you should tell her that she can be your special helper and she can assist with helping you get dressed or maybe you can make her an usher she can direct you and your husbands family which side to sit on.

You could ask your cousin to be your personal attendant, she can help you with little things that you need done, like help with put together wedding favors, help setup the reception hall, take pictures at the wedding, or videotape the wedding. These are all things that will help make her feel important on your big day.

I agree with Jenea, give her the guestbook to take care of. Its an important role and you get to interact and talk with ever guest. If she is loud this is the place for her to be. Good luck!