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02-26-2008, 03:25 AM
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Newbie BOB
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 11
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Re: 100% alone...
Wow how cool !!! I'm getting married on May 9th too !!!
Well things haven't improved here. My MIL keeps leaving messages to her son, in Italian of course, and other members of the family keep sending mails etc to him.
I sneaked in my fiance's computer, as he would not tell me what was happening, and was able to understand more or less with an online translator.
I definitively need to have a good conversation with him because his family is interfering soooooo much. It's as if I do not exist and what I'm thinking doesn't count.
One of his sisters wrote: you can't ask our Mom to send tasteless cards to her friends...
I know he loves me, but I fear this situation gets worse after the wedding. Frankly I'm a little depressed right now. I'm sorry bothering and writing all my stuff out, but it's really hard to deal with it all, 100% alone...
I wonder if a couple can get married without any fights etc...
Andrea - how did you deal with your MIL, did your fiance tell her that it was not possible for her to invite these people ? Or was it you who had a conversation with her ?
I'm wondering if I should talk directly to her, because regarding his mom, my fiance is a little coward... Maybe all boys are...
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02-26-2008, 08:00 AM
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Elite BOB
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Massachusettes
Posts: 204
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Re: 100% alone...
Well, at least I know I'm not alone in this unfortunate catergory. I went and tried on dresses for the first time this past Sunday. And though I was with my MOH and cousin, I still felt a little heart broken because my mother wasn't there. We took pictures of the dresses I tried on, so yesterday I got them developed and showed my mother. The only thing out of her mouth was, "you didn't put a down payment on it yet, did you? ". She has shown zero interest in my wedding. Every single time I try and talk to her about anything to do with the wedding, she either doesn't say a word~just mumbles as if she's listening to me, or she interupts me and starts talking about something to do with her. She literally doesn't give 2 sh**s about this. It really hurts when your own mother completely ignores you and what's suppose to be the happiest day of your life. So, I know how you girls feel. It sucks....plain and simple.
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02-27-2008, 02:57 AM
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Newbie BOB
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 11
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Re: 100% alone...
Oh Gosh...
Do you think it has something to do in the choice of your fiance ?
Or maybe she didn't get to have the wedding she wanted ? I believe that our mothers/MIL act or involve themselves like their own mothers/MIL did.
I'm not in psychology and so on, but I think that somewhere, a wedding, a birth, a death is a family reunion that reminds for some difficult stuff, and for others nice stuff... and that they do not really know how to deal with it...
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02-27-2008, 08:53 AM
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Elite BOB
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Massachusettes
Posts: 204
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Re: 100% alone...
I honestly don't think it's that at all. She loves my fiance'.
I think a part of it may be jealousy. Or maybe the fact that her own marrige failed....which was her decision so she has no right to be bitter. I don't know the exact reasons why, but I have a few ideas. It sucks and hurts that she's acting the way she is, but I'm not gonna let her ruin anything. I've finally found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I'm not about to let anyone or anything put a damper on that.
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02-27-2008, 10:34 AM
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Newbie BOB
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 11
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Re: 100% alone...
I fully understand this...
I try also to stick to what my heart tells me, and not matter with the rest, but sometimes it really hurts..
Best to you anyway for YOUR day :-)
Brit
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04-17-2008, 11:34 AM
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Newbie BOB
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3
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Re: 100% alone...
wow sure very heavy, but after finished your event certain will felt very satisfied and roomy. congratulation get married.
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all about wedding Why Wedding?
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04-18-2008, 07:21 PM
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Elite BOB
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Fond du Lac, Wisconsin
Posts: 161
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Re: 100% alone...
I have a little bit of a similar situation, my FMIL and FSIL want to help, but everything I do or suggest, they don't like. They have something bad or negative to say about everything my FH and I want to do at our wedding. Our colors are pink, white, and black. The first words out of my FSIL's mouths were, do we really have to wear ugly pink dresses? Why can't I just wear a black dress instead. My FH told his mom and sister he wanted to wear a white tux, they both started laughing and told him how unflattering they are and that he should lose at least 60 pounds before he even tries one on. Then my FMIL was telling me about this pink shirt she bought last year for a wedding and never wore and it's been hanging in her closest for like a year. She said she'll just find a skirt to go with it and wear it to our wedding. Okay, if my only son was getting married, I think I'd pick out a new dress instead of just throw something on that been hanging in my closet for a few years. If they are this bad this early into our planning, (we've only been engaged 2 months, weddings not for another 14 months) I can only imagine what they will be like as we get closer. Oh joy!
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04-25-2008, 09:28 AM
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Elite BOB
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: CT
Posts: 99
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Re: 100% alone...
wow - with all the posts I am reading maybe it's better my inlaws arent invloved! I don't have a relationship with my parents and my inlaws: my mil is deceased and my father in law is to busy lady hunting 10 states over to worry about weddings!!! Although I wish my mom was around to help me plan - hear my ideas etc I guess it's good she's not because it's stressful enough - I don't want to hear how everything sucks in her opinion. Plus she solely paid for my sisters wedding and we were speaking two years ago when my fh and I talked about starting the wedding plans - she didn't offer to pay for anything! Not one thing! I have my daughters - my oldest being 9 and loving to hear about the wedding as she is my new maid of honor! Hang in there ladies. This is your day, not the inlaws, not the moms -ignore the rude comments, stand up for yourself and make your peace with your fh's becuase that's all that matters!
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05-13-2008, 05:40 AM
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Elite BOB
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Massachusettes
Posts: 204
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Re: 100% alone...
Well said, Jen.
Yeah, it does suck for those of us who our parents aren't invloved. For me, it just hurts how they don't seem to care. All my life, my mother has pretty much put me down because I'm chubby. Telling me that guys would rather have a skinny girl with an ugly face rather than a chubby girl with a pretty face. Because of all that stuff she'd feed into my head, I got even more low self asteem than what I already had and I pretty much lost all faith that I'd ever get married. She probably thought her hurtfull words would shy me away from even dating and everything would be fine. So, here I am now in a great relationship and about to get married....and she's pretty much pissed off I guess. Oh well ~ that's all I gotta say. It hurts that she's taking this kinda attitude, when a mother is supposed to get excited with her daughter and everything. But there's nothing anyone can really do. All I know is, if I ever have a daughter, I will never put her down like my mother did to me and I will be 100% supportive of her when her big day comes (so long as she doesn't wanna get married at age 16 or something lol ). What I suggest to all of you ladies out there that your FMIL, FSIL, ect are acting as if it's their wedding and not yours.....simply stop telling them your plans for the wedding. When they ask something specific, go ahead and tell them your plans. But don't ask them their oppinion, cause you will get it lol. We all gotta learn how to speak with a firm, but of course, a kind voice. Hopefully all with get the hint "this is what it's going to be...period"
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07-09-2008, 06:17 AM
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Full Fledged BOB
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 27
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Re: 100% alone...
Hey...how was ur wedding party?Why don't u tell us here?
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