My wedding has been pretty stressful so far in planning and my fiance and I have had to move the date from September 2008 to June 2008. A good friend of mine, who was going to be one of my 3 in my bridal party, moved a couple of states away recently. She assured me (when the date was still set for sept) that she could come up for the wedding. Before setting the date to june but having it as a possibity in mind I mentioned the idea to her. She said that if I get married in June there was absolutely no way she could be there. Financially or otherwise. If it were just financially I would try to get the other 2 girls to help me get some money together to bring her here but apparently their are other reasons to but she wouldn't elaborate. She seemed really disappointed that I was changing the date and I know she's been very excited to be in it for awhile now so I feel horrible calling to tell her we are definatly sticking with June. Its especially hard since she doesn't necessarily agree with my reasons for wanting to move up the wedding (family stuff). How is an easy way to tell her without making her feel bad???????

I just answered one of your other posts.... YOU HAVE BRIDEsMAID ISSUES!!!! You poor thing!!! I feel so bad for you.
Well, I think I would be honest with her, just as you swere.. It's your wedding, and ya can;t hardly plan it around others. If you have family reasons that it has to be moved, then thats just the way it is. I would simply tell her that the wedding definately has to be in June, and if their is ANY way she could make it, you would be honored and blessed to have her be part of your special day, and that you and the girls will help her make it financially. If she still declines, then their must be other reasons that she can't come. At least you extended your offer to her, and showed her you care about her being their. I think that is all you can do. I have found in planning my wedding.... it is DAMN IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. SO I just try to please myself!!!
Good luck chick!
Rachel

Well now I find out she can afford to come and I have found the bridesmaid dresses... but to have them in on time for alterations they need to order them in this week or early next week. I gave my long distance bridesmaid a call and found out her husbands grandmother just died. I told her if she could just give me her measurements I would loan her the money for the dress until she and her husband are a little less stressed. Apparently her husbands aunt who was going to take her measurements yelled at her for asking her to take them with all thats going on there. I feel horrible that they yelled at her but I still need them in soon.... I told her to not stress out about it but to just try to get them to me by this friday (tomorrow, mind you I talked to her 2 days ago). I told her that I don't want to rush her but at the same time I do since I want her to stay in the wedding if she can. My fiance says if she doesn't have them to me by monday I should just tell them that I'm only doing two girls and send it out so they get their dresses on time. I feel horrible but I don't really know how to handle this situation. Any advice?

Well, i have to say, I agree with your FH.
It sounds like you have given her plenty of time to get the simple measurements you need. If for whatever reason you havent heard from her by monday, I would just call her, and go on with things without her.
Just tell her that you have come down to the wire, and you are sorry for everything going on in her life right now. Hopefully things will be straightened out for her by your wedding date and she can still come and join in on the celebration of your new life.
I know its so hard, and its easier said then it is done... but you still have a wedding to plan, and deadlines to meet. I would also then maybe send her a sympathy card or a just because card and let her know you still care and are thinking about her.
Good luck... just my little ol' opinion ... you do what you feel is right in your heart.
Rachel

Hey autumnstar68
I just read your story here. It's a tough situation. I know what it's like to feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have another suggestion for you. When I went for the first time to try on dresses (at David's Bridal) they didn't do any hardcore measurments. All they asked me was what my jean size is, and they said a person's dress size is usually a size or two bigger than that ....which doesn't help our self esteem lol, but dresses run small apparently. So, maybe you can give your friend a call and just get her jean size ~ since the aunt is too upset to do it. This is assuming, of course, there is time for alterations. So, say your friend's jean size is an 8...order her a dress in a 10 or 12. I think going a bit bigger is safest ~ cause it's easier for a seamstress to take fabric away then to let out (God forbid there isn't enough fabric for that!). I hope this helps hun and everything works out. Keep us updated.

I'll keep you guys posted. I just called her and left a message asking her how things were going down there and if she had found any free time to get her measurements. I mentioned the pant size idea so if she wants to do that she can. Hopefully she calls me back soon. I'll let you know how things go though.

I'm sorry to hear about your dilelmma, that's no fun! I too had bridesmaid issues except mine were about my MIL wanting my SIL to be a bridesmaid. No wait let me rephrase that, DEMANDING she be a bridesmaid even though she and my husband don't get along at all and she's been nothing but mean to me for the six years I've known her. It was so bad I wrote a book about it. You can download it if you want a good laugh or want to read about how I dealt with the different situations. It's called "Wedding Hell" and it's available at lulu.com. Good luck with everything!

Wow, I don't know if I'll be writing a book anytime soon but maybe I should put one out there too. Lol. Maybe i'll check it out one of these days.

Well, I had some financial burdens come upon me this past weekend that were unexpected and have left me basically broke So I called my problem bridesmaid on Sunday to see if she can afford to buy the dress herself since I have no money to loan anyone at the moment. She had such a bad day I didn't want to throw it in so I didn't mention it. Then Monday I called and she said she would call me back because it wasn't a good time.... 2 hours later... I call her again, she says its a bad time and she will call the next day at 10am. Tuesday morning I get no phone call. By noon I was out and left my phone behind (i was in the woods and didn't want to lose it in the snow). When I got back my phone was dead so on my way home I charged it. I did get a message from her later that afternoon just saying to call her back. So I do, and no answer I left a message explaining to her that I came up with an unexpected expense over the weekend that left me pretty much broke at the moment and have no money to loan out. I told her that I told the bridal shop to just put out the order for the two dresses and if we figure something out then we'll call back to order hers. I told her that I really do want her in the bridal party and to call me as soon as she can, but if she can't afford it that I would still love for her to be here for the wedding. Already the girls aren't going to get their dresses till beginning of May and the wedding is beginning of June. If she waits too long she won't have any time to get alterations done. I mentioned that too. I don't get it....

All today she has had her phone off. Not something she usually does. No messages or anything. Should I just assume she isn't going to be in the wedding and move on or should I wait till I hear from her to be 100% sure?

Well, As sad as it is... I think its a safe assumption that she won't be in your wedding party.
I would say she is probably embarassed, and feeling bad, so its easier for her to just not deal with it then to get a backbone and be honest with you.
Its such a hard thing to deal with, and it seems like your not the only one who has bridesmade trouble after reading some posts... all I can say is.. you dont need anymore stress... plan your day how you need to and hope she calls or at least shows for your wedding day as a guest.
Sorry you have to go through this...
Rachel

Wow this whole ordeal has been crazy. I got a call today from a number I didn't know, which apparently is her husbands cell phone. She said her phone got chewed up by a dog yesterday, so thats why I haven't heard from her. She also didn't get my message. So I tell her whats going on and she says she will try to get the down payment money to me next week..... so it looks like I'll have my third bridesmaid. Now I'm just crossing my fingers that we have no more issues with this. *sigh of relief*