My future mother-in-law wants to controll everything since he told her we were engaged she thinks we should have everything the way she wants us to have we never really talk to each other so should I look at this as a way of building a relationship with her or should I just tell her to back off.

I would try to build bridges, she will be in your life forever. But at the same time if she isnt paying she really has no say.

When I first got engaged, my father told me to be careful because you are not just marrying your beau, you're marry his family too. They are going to be in your life too. I have been lucky that my future mother in law only helps where she is wanted. She is paying for the rehearsal dinner so she has gotten to plan that within the theme of our wedding.

I would recommending giving her a job, like you picking out the favors and having her help put them together. Therefore she will feel involved without feeling like taking control. Hope that helps!