My wedding party is big and I want to invite everyone of our attendants, plus their significant others and everyone else who's doing anything to help with the wedding (basically everyone you'd list on your program). My FMIL is trying to tell me who I can and can't invite and is cutting our list short right in the middle! How do I tell her these people are important (most are relatives) and that I can't exclude them? Do I ask my parents to chip in to pay too?

I think that if your FMIL is paying for the rehearsal dinner (which is traditional), then they should have somewhat of a say who is invited. However, I would speak with your FMIL and tell her why you've invited the people you have and maybe she'll understand. I would talk to her first before asking your parents to chip in too.

In talking with my mom about the rehersal dinner, she said that it would be up to my fiancee's parents for the ultimate list, since some still call it "the Groom's Dinner." But at the same time, traditionally with my family, we have only invited the wedding party (bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, etc), basically those "required" to be there for the rehersal dinner. Now going out into further families and relatives gets questionable because the rehersal dinner is meant to be a close, intimate gathering of those most involved in your wedding, and is your chance to say thank you before the big day arrives. Having a lot more people than your wedding party, and possibly their families, gets expensive for one and also isn't as close and intimate. Hope this helps!

Good luck!!

I think this depends on where you are having it and if it is buffet or individual meals that are being served. We are having a semi-large rehersal dinner at a pub and grill. FH's parents are willing to only pay $500 which is less than it is going to cost for everyone. My parents have paid for the entire ceremony and reception so i do not feel right asking them to chip in for the people in our family that I want to invite and we do not have enough money to pay for some. We have decided to pay for everyone that is in the wedding party, their sig. others, the parents of the children in the wedding and our parents.

I would let her know that because all those people are going to be at the rehersal it is also important to feed them, and if she wont do it I would ask you parents too.

Anyone who is going to be at the rehersal should be at the dinner - it's stated in etiquette books. I would find out if it's a monetary thing - if it is - ask if having a less expensive dinner would do the trick. You want everyone there and she only wants to pay $X, then figure out together how to both get what you need. I've been to rehersals that are in the family's back garden with simple catering (mexican food, bbq) and if you put some effort in, it can be really cool - decorating and such. The money part and the guest list are the worst parts - I promise. It's all down hill from here

The Grooms family pays, but the rehearsal dinner is not for everyone. It is for the wedding party, the minister and his spouse, and for the parents. It gives a little time for the families to become acquainted. Grandparents can also be welcomed, but the party is after the wedding.