My family is so far paying for everything for the wedding. I've asked my husband to be what his parents will be able to contribute and his response is "they have to travel from farther away and it's gonna cost them lots just to get here" so he doesn't want to ask them for any money. We're not having a big expensive wedding or anything but I feel bad that it's my family paying for everything. He is trying to keep the expenses down, which bothers me cause my family is paying anyways.... How do I convince him that his family has to contribute too? I mean if my family was traveling I would still be asking them for money towards the wedding. We don't need lots either, like $2000 from each of his parents when mine are putting up 5 times that much. His Dad is a realtor and both are in a financial position that they can give us some money, or pay for some of it.

Am I asking too much?

HELP! ....

I would sit your future hubby down and explain to him what you have told us. Tell him that you understand that his parents have to travel a distance to attend the wedding, but explain to him that you dont think it is fair that your parents should have to pay for everything. Let him know that your parents have spent a great deal of money, and that his parents could contribute to help pay for your wedding. Because after all, he is getting married too, not just you. I had the same problem too, my future husband didnt want to ask his parents to help pay for the wedding, but once I sat him down and explained to him why I felt that his parents should help, he finally asked them to help chip in and they agreed. Give them a few things that they could help pay for, like the caterer, D.J. or band, the reception hall, etc. I'm sure once he see's where you are coming from, he wont be reluctant to ask them to chip in. I hope everything works out for you, and I hope your wedding will be what you have always wanted. Good luck.

I'm in almost the same situation. I'm just recently engaged, but I'm getting kinda fidgetty (spelling?) to know how much if anything at all my FHs parents are going to contribute. He doesn't talk to them too often so he hasn't got around to sitting down with them yet and asking. But that's what I would suggest, having your FH sit down wit heach parent, seperatly of course, and politely asking if they're going contribute anything. It makes it very difficult for us brides to plan anything without knowing the exact budget we have to work with.

I don't know if this is just in my family or not, but I was brought up, learning that the bride's family pais for everything. I can understand why you would feel the way you do, but I was taught it happens a certain way, and I thought I'd share it with you.

That's all,
Marissa

Most wedding etiquette books state very clearly what should be paid for by the groom's family and what should be paid for by the bride's family, and though the bride's family is expected to pay for some of the more expensive items (catering, venue, etc.), there are quite a few things the Groom's family is expected to pay for (honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, etc.). I can see where you're coming from though, in most of the situations I've come across, the Groom's family doesn't throw in their fair share, so I suppose I can see where someone might get that idea.

I agree 100%. I would never ask anyone to contribute money. But I think that it's good manners to at least offer to help in some way, shape or form if it's your child getting married. I expect to donate money and time to my son's wedding when the situation arises, and I can't imagine doing anything less for him. He's my son, and I intend to help him out.

For me, it's just frustrating seeing my fiance's parents taking trips to Hawaii 3 times a year while my parents have given up their yearly vacation to help out with the wedding. Not that it's fair to expect them to contribute as much as my parent's have, but it would be nice if they would give up just one of their trips to Hawaii to help contribute.

Nikita.. i AGREE with you.
I know my FH parents don't even hardly ask about the wedding.. excpet when it is??? When my son gets married, I will not be that future mother inlaw... I will help as much as I financially can. Things have changed so much..and some people follow tradition and etiquette.. and some feel its their part to contribute.
SADLY.. I know how ya feel and my future Inlaws follow their own tradition... don't offer to pay...just show up and drink form the open bar..NICE HUH.....I feel your pain...lol.. can ya tell im bitter???
Rachel

My suggestion would be let the etiquette books do the confronting for you. Grab a book or print a list of the grooms family responsibilities as far as $ goes and show it to him. It's his family so he should be the one talking to them about it. They should be asking him how much he needs, not making him ask them. There are very specific things they are supposed to pay for and even then it doesn't make a dent in the overall costs.

Good luck, I hope they contribute something!